Divorce and Children

Stephanie Coontz presents the idea of divorce and how it affects children. She makes a statement that I found extremely interesting and something that a lot of people would agree with. She said, “We may be heading into what some sociologist call a ‘post marriage society’, where women will raise the children and men will not be there in any stable, institutional way (pg.97).” Coontz goes onto say, “unless we keep the heat on about the damages of divorce, parents will be tempted to put their own selfish concerns above the needs of their children (pg.98).” One of the most mind blowing statements in Coontz’s article reads, “divorce can interfere with effective parenting and deprive children of parental resources (pg. 98).”
“While it is true that children from divorced and remarried families are more likely to drop out of school, exhibit emotional distress, get in trouble with the law, and abuse drugs and alcohol than children who grow up with both biological parents, most kids, from every kind of family, avoid these prevails (pg. 99).” Coontz then goes onto say that, “two researchers compared family types and child outcomes over the period of five years found that children who remained in highly conflicted marriages had more severe behavior problems than children in any other kind of family (pg.102).”
I personally believe that divorce has an effect on children. There are few times where it is positive but in my experience, it mostly has a negative effect. Coontz sheds light on a topic I believe is over looked and does a good job explaining how children get caught up in divorce.
Furstenberg and Cherlin state, “there is evidence that some children show signs of disturbance months, sometimes even years before their parents separate (pg. 492).” With short term adjustment, “the crisis begins for children with shock, anxiety, and anger upon learning about the breakup (pg.493).” Next, Furstenberg and Cherlin discuss long term affects. “Even less is known about the long term consequences than short term consequences. But over the long run there is still great variation in how the process of divorce plays out (pg. 494).”
Furstenberg and Cherlin point out that a “critical key factor in both short term and long term adjustment is how effectively the custodial parent, who is usually the mother, functions as a parent (pg. 496).” A second key factor in children’s well being is “a low level of conflict between their mother and father (pg. 496).” A possible third key factor in children’s successful adjustment is, “the maintenance of a continuing relationship with the non-custodial parent, who is usually the father (pg. 497).”
Carr discusses three factors that are the most important influences on spousal bereavement. The first factor is, “the age of the husband and wife (pg.24).” The second factor is, “how the spouse died (pg.24).” And the third factor is, “what the couple’s life was like prior to death (pg.24).” Carr goes onto say, “Men and women experience loss in very different ways, so they also experience the loss of a spouse differently. These differences include not only psychological responses but also practical readjustments to daily life (pg.25).” Carr points out that men and women grieve differently but from my own experience with loss, I know it is not always what people think how men and women will react. I think it depends on the family and how the members of the family show emotion.

Childhood in a New Age

Thorne and Luria discuss childhood and how it is related to gender. They observed, “children are usually very careful to separate their friendships and activities on the basis of sex (pg.137).” They continue by saying, “the sociological significance of children’s play is that both boys and girls are helping to socialize one another into primary adult gender roles, females being more concerned with intimacy, emotionality, and romance, and boys with sexuality. They are writing ‘scripts’ that they will follow as adults (pg. 137).” Thorne and Luria also explain that boys and girls are separated on a daily basis and the difference of the interactions just between all boys or all girls. It is operated by society on a daily basis and fuels the idea that boys and girls should be separated.
Goldscheider and White talk about housework and how much responsibility is put on children. “Sex typing of children’s household tasks begins very early, so differences have crystallized by adolescents. Girls tend to spend about twice as much time on house work as their brothers, mirroring the different levels of contribution by their mothers and fathers (pg. 809).” However, “it is often the case that neither boys nor girls gain much experience doing household tasks, because in many families their mothers do almost all of them (pg. 809).” Personally, I did not do much housework growing up, nor did my brother, because my mother did almost all of it. Today, it is still the same. My mother still does the dishes and cleans the house while working while my father does next to nothing for housework. I believe most families today are set up like this but I think the set up of parents working and numbers of children have an effect on this.
Lareau breaks down the models of childrearing by race and class. One of the points she brings up is that, “the middle class parents, both white and black, tend to conform to a cultural logic of childrearing I call ‘concerted cultivation’. They enroll their children in numerous age-specific organized activities that dominate family life and create enormous labor, particular for mothers (pg. 748).” Next she talks about the working and poor class. “The childrearing strategies of white and black working class and poor parents emphasize the ‘accomplishment of natural growth. These parents believe that as long as they provide food, love and safety, their child will grow and thieve (pg. 749).” Even though each social class my have a slightly different idea of childrearing, I believe that love and support are at the root of each, and I believe that is what is most important.
Schor investigates the commercialization of childhood. She states, “This commercialization of childhood is being driven by a number of factors, including broad social trends. But underlying them all is a marketing juggernaut characterized by growing reach, effectiveness, and audacity. One clue to the marketing mentality is industry language. It's a war out there. Those at whom ads are directed are "targets (pg.1)." This affects child because by the age of 2 they can recognize and want brand names and it may not be in their best interest or the interest of their families to have them. Children are also becoming shoppers and are being sucked into the competitive economic world. “Children's influence is being driven by a number of factors, including changes in parenting style. Older generations were more authoritarian; the famous "children should be seen and not heard" adage meant that parents made most buying decisions (pg. 2).” I believe this commercialization is not good for children because I feel companies are taking advantage of them and are taking away their innocence. Children should be able to enjoy the simple things in life without having to worry about name brands and products.

Fatherhood in America

Joseph H. Pleck’s article, “American Fathering in Historical Perspective” talks about the role of fatherhood. He states, “The father was viewed as a moral pedagogue who must instruct children of both sexes what God as well as the world required of them (pg.352).” Pleck then explains how fatherhood is a ‘duty’. “Notions of the ‘duty’ of fathers to their children, and of children of their fathers, were central to the father-child relationship (pg. 352).” Pleck also mentions the strong connections fathers have with their children emotionally. In the nineteenth and twenty century the father’s role began to shift. “A gradual and steady shift toward a greater role for the mother, and a decreased and more indirect role for the father is clear and unmistakable (pg. 353).”
“Today, the critique of the distant father-breadwinner is intensifying further (pg. 359).” I agree with this statement. From what I have experience and seen growing up, fathers are expected to provide for their family as well as have an active role in their children’s lives. My father run’s his own business and still managed to make every sporting event that my brother and I had. I think this kind of effort is expected out of every father in today’s society.
Francine Deutsh’s article has a discussion with blue collar couples with children who have decided to ‘alternate shifts’ at work. This decision comes about because they need more money to provide for their family because the types of jobs they occupy do not provide enough money to cover all the expenses of a family. For example, men are typically construction workers, firemen, police officers, or delivery men. Their wives are typically nurses or retail clerks (pg. 115). One of the examples Deutsh uses is a construction worker named Stan and who connected with the term ‘Mr. Mom’. Stan says he never thought he would have the type of role he has with his family but is glad he can do what he can for his family. If I were in the situation where my husband and I needed to decide upon working alternating shifts, I would do it. It would be difficult but it would be a way to give our family a better life because we would have more money coming as opposed to just one of us working and each of us would be spending a lot of time with our children and would be able to create good relationships with our children.
Dorothy Roberts article touched upon the Black culture and the family. “The female-headed household – not the nuclear family – is the dominant family arrangements for Blacks (pg.146).” She then goes onto say, “The Black family, moreover, has long served as the scapegoat for the Black community plight for many of America’s ills (pg.147).” In terms of societal forces as well as adding to the myth of the absent black father, Roberts points to chronic poverty and imprisonment. Roberts explains that it may seem that children in Black families are fatherless because it is not that their fathers are not around but are trying to improve life. It is a stereotype I think is hard to break but when looking at the Black culture today, many Black men are beginning to take over the households. More Black men are becoming doctors and lawyers and are able to provide a life for their family that was once not possible. They are also more involved with their kids. I believe the myth of the absent Black father will one day disappear.

Moving Up in Class

When I think of social class, I think about how much my life is affected because of a category. I grew up and still live in a low middle class family with my mother, father, and older brother. My parents made extrodinary sacrifices to send my brother and I to private high schools instead of going to public school. My private school cost $25,000 a year while my town’s public school would have been $4,000. The loans my parents took out from the bank and the extra shifts they took at work to get money is just a small part of what I know they did for my brother and I to go to private school.
When I first asked them why they wanted my brother and I to go to private school, they told me that they wanted us to have a better life with more opportunity and that they wanted me to ‘want more’ out of life. They want me to strive for more and to move up in social class. I noticed during high school that everyone came from a better social class and slowly I began to want what they have. A life without having to worry about money and being able to say you are part of a prestige group is something I wanted.
I think social class has affected my idea of families as well as my idea of family in the future because I am now surrounded by a higher social class and will do whatever it takes so my family will be considered part of the group. My morals and ethics and upbringing I will always carry with me and bring to my family that I will have one day but I will be sure to have them be part of a better class. I think social class affects the way people are seen as well as what is possible for them. Most of my friends and neighbors from my town will always be Blue collar and join their parents in the union and there is nothing wrong with that. But when the idea and the scarifies are made to get something better, I believe it is my responsibility to do the same for my family and to push them to want more out of life.