Divorce and Children

Stephanie Coontz presents the idea of divorce and how it affects children. She makes a statement that I found extremely interesting and something that a lot of people would agree with. She said, “We may be heading into what some sociologist call a ‘post marriage society’, where women will raise the children and men will not be there in any stable, institutional way (pg.97).” Coontz goes onto say, “unless we keep the heat on about the damages of divorce, parents will be tempted to put their own selfish concerns above the needs of their children (pg.98).” One of the most mind blowing statements in Coontz’s article reads, “divorce can interfere with effective parenting and deprive children of parental resources (pg. 98).”
“While it is true that children from divorced and remarried families are more likely to drop out of school, exhibit emotional distress, get in trouble with the law, and abuse drugs and alcohol than children who grow up with both biological parents, most kids, from every kind of family, avoid these prevails (pg. 99).” Coontz then goes onto say that, “two researchers compared family types and child outcomes over the period of five years found that children who remained in highly conflicted marriages had more severe behavior problems than children in any other kind of family (pg.102).”
I personally believe that divorce has an effect on children. There are few times where it is positive but in my experience, it mostly has a negative effect. Coontz sheds light on a topic I believe is over looked and does a good job explaining how children get caught up in divorce.
Furstenberg and Cherlin state, “there is evidence that some children show signs of disturbance months, sometimes even years before their parents separate (pg. 492).” With short term adjustment, “the crisis begins for children with shock, anxiety, and anger upon learning about the breakup (pg.493).” Next, Furstenberg and Cherlin discuss long term affects. “Even less is known about the long term consequences than short term consequences. But over the long run there is still great variation in how the process of divorce plays out (pg. 494).”
Furstenberg and Cherlin point out that a “critical key factor in both short term and long term adjustment is how effectively the custodial parent, who is usually the mother, functions as a parent (pg. 496).” A second key factor in children’s well being is “a low level of conflict between their mother and father (pg. 496).” A possible third key factor in children’s successful adjustment is, “the maintenance of a continuing relationship with the non-custodial parent, who is usually the father (pg. 497).”
Carr discusses three factors that are the most important influences on spousal bereavement. The first factor is, “the age of the husband and wife (pg.24).” The second factor is, “how the spouse died (pg.24).” And the third factor is, “what the couple’s life was like prior to death (pg.24).” Carr goes onto say, “Men and women experience loss in very different ways, so they also experience the loss of a spouse differently. These differences include not only psychological responses but also practical readjustments to daily life (pg.25).” Carr points out that men and women grieve differently but from my own experience with loss, I know it is not always what people think how men and women will react. I think it depends on the family and how the members of the family show emotion.